Do Not Read Pet Sematary On The Beach In Mexico.
All Inclusive Horror
Holy shit. DO NOT…read Pet Sematary…on the beach…in Mexico. I recently just attended a beyond beautiful wedding in Riviera Maya, about a half hour from Cancun, Mexico. The entire trip was almost ineffable, from the scenery to the company to the ceremony. Do you know what part of the trip I can find words for? Awful, haunting words? The part of the trip in which I decided to start my glorious day by lying on one of the many outside beds that reside directly on the beach and finishing Pet Sematary by the immortal Stephen King. I think this post is going to be a two part review. One part will be the gorgeous El Dorado Royale Resort in Mexico and the other part will be a review of a book that is almost 40 years old.
“I love my job only when I’m on vacation.”
The El Dorado Resort was stunning. It was my first all inclusive trip, as I had scoffed at them my entire life like the pompous prick that I am. “I’m not a resort guy” – what an asshole. Fast forward to me double fisting martinis while waiting for 4 club sandwiches and 2 lobster quesadillas free of charge from room service and I am team all inclusive for the rest of my days. Yes, the drinks were watered down, but you need to know where to go. The martini bar was legit and I may have gotten all my money’s worth in one night there. Binge drinking is my oldest talent, so I honestly wasn’t too worried about the watered down drink myth.
The food could have been better but a few of the places really hit the spot. The octopus tacos by the main pool were dope and I could have survived on them alone. Jojo’s Caribbean Grill by the seashore had an extended deck that I could have stayed at for days. The most picturesque spot on the island was the view from this deck under moonlight. D’Italia was also a pretty good restaurant located conveniently right underneath the martini bar! Who goes to an Italian place on a Mexican resort? This guy does, especially when it’s the closest restaurant after pounding martinis.
The service at the resort was excellent. We tipped often as I’m from New York and my girlfriend, though originally from Arizona, is as tried and true a New Yorker as you will ever find. With such friendly and helpful staff, and with turn your head in awe level scenery everywhere you look, I wouldn’t be surprised to find myself back at that resort sometime soon. But it will not be with Pet Sematary in my luggage!
“The soil of a man’s heart is stonier; a man grows what he can and tends it.”
I had gotten back into reading with a vengeance before this vacation. I’m a big movie buff and especially a horror buff, so when I saw the Pet Sematary remake was coming out I was anxious to give it a shot. However, I thought I would read the book first this time since I barely remembered anything from the older movie version that was constantly played on channel 11 during my childhood. I was plowing through this book and figured I would probably finish it on the plane to Mexico but boy was I wrong.
That fateful morning on the beach I was happy as a pig in shit. My beautiful girlfriend was meeting some of my closest friends and I was about to witness my good buddy marry the love of his life in this tropical paradise. Then Stephen King’s warped mind shattered my happiness and sent me careening into an absolute pit of despair. As I got closer to the end of that book, (I despise spoilers and will just encourage anyone to read this book), I had a sinking feeling in my stomach that something terrible was going to happen to me. Mind you, it was a bright and sunny 80 degrees, and I was on a bed…that was on a tropical beach…that was on an all inclusive resort. I finished that book, slowly put it down, and just stared at the ocean for a solid 20 minutes. When my girlfriend showed up and asked what was wrong I remember just telling her, “I don’t know what it is, it’s nothing you or anyone did, but I am absolutely miserable right now”.
That book is so brutal, so hopeless, that it almost completely ruined my vacation. Is dead really better sometimes? What would I do for my family if unimaginable tragedy struck? Do I even want a fucking family now that I’ve read this book?? Legend has it Stephen King wrote Pet Sematary and after realizing just how fucked up it was, he stuffed it in his nightstand for years because he didn’t want to release it. Ya don’t say?
My friends all eventually found me and upon seeing my face, asked what was wrong. Once I told them of my mood they all kind of just shrugged and said, “Maybe you shouldn’t be reading fucking Pet Sematary on vacation with all your friends”. Looking back it was so simple, but I had just never been so thrown by a book before. So if you want to read a brilliant horror novel that will shake you to your core, even if you’re surrounded by loved ones and on a tropical beach, read Pet Sematary.
I guess I never gave as much credence to the written word as I did movies or television, but I was dead wrong (no pun intended). I think, in part, that is one of the reasons I started this blog. Writing can be very powerful, and unlike Stephen King, I will do my best not to haunt you forever with mine.
